Domenic Papa opens up in Lance exclusive
By Michal Tellos
Sports Editor
January 21, 2009
 Local sports personality Domenic Papa has finally gone public to explain a decision that he made many years ago.
His Windsor fans have always had one question burning on their minds: where and why did the mustache go?
Friedrich Nietzsche did it. Adolf Hitler did it. Ned Flanders and George Parros are still doing it. It’s clearly an undying trend, so why did it have to go in the case of one famous broadcaster?
The fan favourite facial accessory vanished under mysterious circumstances approximately one decade ago, and an emotional Papa has refused to discuss the subject ever since. Until now.
The Lance recently sat down with Papa bear in an exclusive one-on-one to talk about this sensitive issue.
Lance: Mr. Papa, it’s so great to see you again. Let’s talk about your pain.
Papa: Well, it runs deep. Getting rid of that three-inch piece of me was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. But there is no way it can ever come back.
Lance: Why not?
Papa: My legion of viewers and listeners expect a lot out of me, and keeping my mustache trim and tidy took a lot of time and even more emotion. The stress of doing The Sports Den as often as I do - once a week minus holidays - really took a toll on my sanity level as well, and my hair began to thin out. By now, I have a complete baby face.
Lance: I see that. Are there any other reasons?
Papa: [Sighs heavy-heartedly] Well, yes actually. Shortly before the epic shave, I was reading Good Housekeeping Magazine, as I always do, and one of the articles said that short guys don’t look so good with mustaches. And, being a little guy, I had to get rid of it. I was shocked, but if GHM says so, it’s as good as gold. My image is what my millions of fans here and abroad have come to recognize, and what makes me so successful with the ladies.
Lance: I can tell that this is extremely hard for you. Any final reasons?
Papa: This really is starting to get tough to talk about, but my Mama always said to share my feelings. Well, I guess there was one incident that triggered the whole thing. It happened while I was doing an interview with Jason Spezza, a Spits player at the time. I was doing it in my signature style - my arm wrapped around his waist tight - when the close contact created a problem. My mustache rubbed up against his arm when I turned to ask a question – him being so much taller than me - and he recoiled out of fear and confusion. I was ashamed for weeks, and he never returns my calls anymore.
The conversation did not go on for any longer than this, as Papa could not continue any longer without lapsing into lengthy bouts of tears and vomit.
The new Papa, without a hair on his face, can still be seen on the Windsor sports scene, providing cunning insight into Windsor Spitfire and Lancer games with his lively colour commentating, or interviewing local celebrities on The Sports Den, which broadcasts in the highest of high definition on Cogeco.
Finally, if there was a WESPY for best mustache, Domenic Papa should not only be the sole candidate and winner, but, in the opinion of this writer, the judge and keynote speaker.
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