You're so vain
By Ali the Sexpert
November 5, 2008
 Have you ever met someone who had an obsession with staring in the mirror? Or perhaps you know a person that thinks they are better than everyone else because they are attractive, more athletic, or because they have more academic skills then you? Or - maybe this person is you!? This article is devoted to all things related to vanity, so read on to learn about the negative consequences of being “too into” yourself. Vanity has roots in religion and philosophy. In a religious context, “self-idolatry,” is considered blasphemous.
Historical Meaning of Vanity
Vanity has also been referred to philosophically over the years as egoism or pride. According to Friedcrich Nietzsche, “vanity is the fear of appearing original: it is thus a lack of pride, but not necessarily a lack of originality.” The idea that vanity is unhealthy is such a concern in Western culture that it has been medicalized.
Vanity is defined on the free online dictionary as “a feeling of pride about one’s appearance or ability,” or it is called conceitedness. Other words used to describe vanity include: “emptiness,” having a sense of pride and arrogance or seeking other’s approval and the desire to be noticed. It is also described as being overly proud of personal attainments or decorations. Vanity is often discussed in terms of a person’s appearance, but as you can see from the description above, it can also relate to a person’s goals, possessions or other things.
Vanity as a Disorder
Narcissism may appear to be harmless at first, but it has been deemed a personality disorder if a person is “too vain.” According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV), narcissism is described as “a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy” for others.
Those who suffer from this condition are described as being overly preoccupied with themselves, and they long for power, prestige and they often do not depend on others. Their self-centeredness is considered problematic and impacts their everyday life and interactions with others. In order to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, you must display a persistent pattern of fantasy or behaviour, a need for admiration, a lack of empathy for others and this must start in early childhood or adolescence.
Five or more of the following must also apply to you: has a grandiose sense of self-importance; is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love; believes they are ‘special’ and unique; requires excessive admiration from others; has a sense of entitlement because of their attractiveness or assets; is interpersonally exploitative; lacks empathy for others; is envious of others or believes others are envious of them; and finally shows arrogant and self-centered behaviours or attitudes.
Narcissism is considered to be a serious condition and it should be treated if it is persistent and problematic in a person’s life. People with this condition often suffer socially because they spend all of their time behaving in a way that protects their pride and ego by lying or pretending to be someone they are not to impress others. This behaviour may become detrimental to their friendships, working environments and family life.
If you are interested in taking a vanity test to see if it applies to you or someone you know, go to: http://www.winning-teams.com/narcissist_tests.html. This website relates narcissism to the working environment and links you to other related tests for further self-diagnosis.
Vanity in Everyday Life
We live in a vain culture that emphasizes physical attractiveness and the emphasis on acquiring material gain, power and status. This emphasis on individual consumerism has been competing with the notion of community and social unity. It continues to be a struggle in everyday life for some. Sometimes vanity and narcissism is excused and theorized as being ‘natural.’ In evolutionary psychology, vanity is related to ‘assortive mating,’ or to describe mating rituals when a person chooses a partner for procreation. The more attractive, and socially appropriate a person is deemed to be, the more desirable they are. Also, the ‘self seeking like’ hypothesis proposes that individuals unconsciously look for a mirror image of themselves by finding a partner who matches them in terms of attractiveness and ability.
Today the word ‘player’ is used for someone who is considered to be attractive and able to attract many partners. Even though this is a joke in our culture, it is also considered to be unwanted attributes in a partner.
A person who is a player is often considered to be someone who is not serious about dating, they are only interested in using a person for their own desires (sex, money etc), and they are gossiped about and labeled as someone to stay away from in social circles.
Overcoming Vanity
Sometimes narcissism is a defense mechanism because of personal insecurities. Narcissistic behaviour is often attention seeking behaviour and the person engages in this because they do not know other ways to promote healthy attention and admiration from others. Some people live their whole lives feeling insecure and overcompensate through narcissistic behaviour.
One of the greatest ways to control narcissism is to acknowledge and sort through emotions related to vanity. This is best done with a professional or someone you trust. They may need help recognizing sorrow and compassion – two of the emotions narcissists often repress.
It is important to recognize the signs of narcissism and do something about it so you do not live your life feeling insecure and hurt inside. If you or someone you know are suffering from this condition then make sure to seek professional help immediately. Also, talk to your family doctor, therapist or psychiatrist.
Ali the Sexpert' aka Allisa Scott is a researcher and teacher in the field of sexuality. She has two degrees from U Windsor (Honours BA in Sociology); MA in Social Work (WLU); MA degree is Sociology with a published thesis about sexuality. She also holds a minor in studies in sexuality from Windsor.
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