My pace or yours?
By Ali the Sexpert
October 22, 2008
 You often hear about women having a problem with low libido in mainstream culture. This is seen a problematic, especially in heterosexual relationships when their male partner is complaining that she is never interested in sex.
What is rarely talked about though is when women have a high sex drive, and their male partner may have a lower libido than her. It may surprise some people, but this happens too.
What is Libido?
Libido is another word for sexual desire or the appeal to have sex. This desire manifests itself by a physical reaction in a woman’s body when her vagina lubricates itself to prepare her to have sex. There are all kinds of literature that documents women’s lack of sexual desire, but very little about women who have high libido. Libido is said to be related to a number of biological, psychological and social factors. Biology is closely linked to libido because testosterone is related to a person’s sexuality.
Testosterone is what connects the body to the brain in terms of sexual arousal. It has been found that women with higher levels of testosterone have higher sex drives than women who do not.
Psychological factors also play a role, because a person is stimulated by factors such as finding their partner attractive, feeling erotically stimulated, fantasizing about making love, and flirting or feeling sexually attractive and findings others attractive other than their partner. Social factors that relate to a person’s libido include: communication between partners, matching libidos or the shame or disappointment associated with the lack of a matched libido (especially if the woman has a higher libido), associations with sexual intimacy as well as the distribution of power between partners.
These concerns can significantly impact a person’s sexuality and relationship. It is often a combination of these things that impact sexual intimacy in couples. There are also strong social messages that impact our libido, which include: sexual desire should be ‘spontaneous,’ when you ‘love someone, you have sex with them’ and ‘if you don’t want to have sex or if you are a woman and want to have lots of it, then you are not normal.’
These social messages guide our culture and the way we view sexuality which greatly impacts the way we relate to each other and ourselves sexually.
High Libido in Women
There are no statistics regarding women’s high libido because it has been considered to be non-existent. However, new research is finding that it does exist and it is now starting to be documented.
Theories about what causes a high libido include: sexual molestation as a child, early masturbation, boredom, hormones in food, high anxiety, menstruation, pregnancy, psychological comfort (feeling good), imbalanced hormones or high levels of testosterone, sexual orientation (bisexuals have been found to have higher rates of sexual activity, fantasy and/or erotic interest).
The important thing to know is that if a person has a high libido it does not mean that it is a problem unless the person feels it is a problem. Everyone has a different libido that is natural for them. Some people are comfortable to have sex once or twice a week, while others prefer to have sex once or twice a day.
Some people masturbate frequently. Regardless of your gender, this varies for everyone. The idea that it is a problem for women to have low sex drives has been perpetuated by society.
Some women are happy to have a low sex drive. It becomes problematic when it impacts their relationship and they or their partner find it problematic.
There are also some people who are asexual and have no sexual desire, and this is not a problem for them. So, it is important to realize that having a high or low libido is only a problem when the person experiencing it feels it is a problem or if it is significantly impacting their romantic relationship.
High Libido Problems in Women
A recent episode of ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ pictured a woman in the hospital on the verge of orgasm. This was portrayed as an odd occurrence, and for the most part it is because it has been rarely documented.
This is a condition called “Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome” (PSAS), and it was first documented by Dr. Leiblum in 2001. This condition is distinguished as different than hypersexuality or nymphomania, which refer to sex addiction. From what has been documented so far, women who suffer from PSAS rarely report it because they find it shameful or embarrassing. Women with PSAS also find it distressing because it happens suddenly and leaves them with the constant distressing feelings of being aroused for long periods of time (from hours to days or sometimes months), and it is described as “an itch they cannot scratch.”
Being in this constant state of arousal, or sometimes feeling on the verge of orgasm for long periods of time, can make everyday life very difficult. Women who suffer from PSAS feel the persistent signs of arousal without an awareness of what provoked their arousal, and it may result in the need to masturbate or engage in sexual activity frequently to relieve this feeling.
Some women who suffer from this condition still do not feel relief even after they have done this repeatedly.
There is not enough known about this condition to explain why it occurs, but one theory is that it is related to sensory nerves.
Of those who report this condition, it has been found common in post-menopausal women in their 40’s or 50’s or women who have experienced hormonal treatments. However, as more women report this condition, it may be discovered that it is not necessarily related to age.
Fixing High Libido
It has been discovered that taking anti-depressants, applying ice to the genitals, surgery to remove all or parts of the reproductive system, diverting your attention to other activities such as exercise, or engaging in physical labour may lessen the symptoms of PSAS, but for some women, this is not enough.
From online testimonials, it was found that many women still have not found a suitable treatment. One woman said “Do not wear tight pants or underwear, or sit in positions that will stimulate your genitals or cause and increase in blood flow.
Practice redirecting your thoughts, distract yourself, and to what ever degree is right for you and/or your partner to enjoy yourself.”
It has been said that with age it will become less of a problem, but it can be a very distressing and uncomfortable condition for women who suffer from it.
The most important thing to do is go to a physician, get treatment and report this condition so more can be done to find a suitable cure. But only do this if you find it to be distressing and uncomfortable.
For women who have a high libido and it does not impact their everyday life in a negative way – enjoy your high libido and embrace it if it is a part of you.
Ali the Sexpert' aka Allisa Scott is a researcher and teacher in the field of sexuality. She has two degrees from U Windsor (Honours BA in Sociology); MA in Social Work (WLU); MA degree is Sociology with a published thesis about sexuality. She also holds a minor in studies in sexuality from Windsor.
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