How to beat the 'End of Summer Blues'
By Ali the Sexpert
August 27, 2008
 You can recognize it usually in mid- to late-August, that time of year when you realize the summer is almost over and school or work is starting again for the year.
With the end of summer in sight, it can make it hard to focus on the fun we had during the summer and how that may or may not have impacted our relationships.
This time of year can be hard for people going to school because sometimes it marks the beginning of a long distance relationship, a break up from a summer fling, or changes in the routine of a couple’s life.
For others, it is a reminder of how they would like to start a relationship; to have someone to share the upcoming holidays with. People often recommended supplementary reading to each topic throughout this column.
But please remember that regardless of whatever category you fit into, they all have their challenges and benefits and you never know which situation you may find yourself in so learning about all of them will be helpful.
The end of summer for singles
For many single people, the fall can feel like a fresh start. It’s time for a new wardrobe, a new semester in school, or possibly even a new job. It can be a very positive time of year, and it can also be a time of hope for those who would like to start a new relationship.
Depending on what kind of relationship you are looking for, it can be an excellent time to start thinking about the kind of relationship you want and how you can fit it into your life.
For those of you who are new to university, it is important to remember that along with all the excitement also comes responsibility that can be very new and overwhelming.
It is crucial to realize that along with frosh week, all the social planning and scoping out the ‘hotties,’ you have to fit in school and possibly even a part-time job into your schedule.
The easiest way to do this is to be a planner and make decisions – even if it is not typically your style.
It is easiest to do this with an agenda book – where you write down all your courses, when assignments are due as well as your hours for working. Then you can plan in homework time and then the best part – social time.
If you are shy and not very good with meeting new people it should not be hard during frosh week or if you live in a dorm as there are plenty of people including roommates, floor-mates, RA’s (residence assistants) and others who can help you adjust to this new life.
If you do not wish to meet people through friends, then it is a good idea to join some local dating sites such as www.lavalife.com, www.plentyoffish.com or www.matchmaker.com. For more info on dating sites check out: http://www.eonlinedatingsites.com/.
There are also many clubs in downtown Windsor, and coffee shops like ‘Milk’ to meet new and interesting people.
Another good thing to remember is that you may find a relationship when you are least expecting one. Just being involved in the hobbies and interests you have will help you meet people with similar interests, which could spark dating or a new relationship.
For those of you who are returning to school or entering the workforce, a lot of the same advice is helpful about planning your life.
You can join a dating site or become involved in your community and in hobbies to meet people.
What may be different for you is the environment you are in. When you do not live in the dorm and you are older and have more experience with dating, you may be choosier about who you would like to date.
You may actually want to have a strategy in place for meeting new people. It is helpful to add some reading about this to your list along with those new textbooks or work books.
One helpful book is: 10 Commandments Of Dating by Ben Young and Samuel Adams (no not the maker of beer!)
Or you might want to stay single, and not date. Or you may want to very casually date, but not get serious with anyone. If that is the case, then you should know that there is nothing wrong with being single despite what others say – so embrace this if it is what you choose.
Some excellent reading on this topic includes: Interdisciplinary Perspectives on Being Single edited by Rudolph M. Bell and Virginia Yans, Singled Out, by Bella DePaulo, The Joy of Being Single by Allia Zobel, or one of my personal favourites, Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics by Sasha Cagen.
End of summer blues for couples
The end of summer blues for couples is different and can be much more complicated. If you are entering into a long-distance relationship because you or your partner is going away to school, then it may be a huge change to your relationship. This can be particularly difficult if you are really close with your partner. It is important to talk about this well before you separate for school, and to keep the communication going. That is easier said then done, but it is helpful to have a plan and decide how often you can handle taking time apart and decide who can visit who and how often. For an excellent guide to help with this read Long Distance Relationship Survival Guide: Secrets And Strategies From Successful Couples Who Have Gone The Distance by Chris Bell.
For couples who may be ending a relationship because someone is going away for school then it is important to end the relationship as positively as possible, decide if you will stay in touch and find ways to remember the good times you had. If you are ending a summer fling or a rebound relationship with someone, it may not end very well depending on who is being dumped, but it is important to be clear about your needs and expectations. If someone was expecting more than the other person and it cannot be sorted out in a compromise, then breaking up might be the best solution. If you were the person who was dumped and you need some support other than a friend’s shoulder to cry on check out Dumped: The Ultimate Guide To Starting Over by Ana H. Weber or a fun book called The Dumped!: Fun & Games Activity Book Featuring Word Scrambles, Connect-the-Dots, and in-depth Psychiatric Analysis for the Unexpectedly Single by Josh Lewis.
For couples who may have been together for a while and they are getting bored or feel that their relationship has become too routine, the end of summer may be a time to remind you to take control of your relationship to make it the best it can possibly be. Perhaps there are some issues that you need to work on (as all relationships have). But more importantly, you want to dedicate yourself to spending more quality time with your partner, because life gets so busy that you may not have as much time to be with them as you were planning. Some helpful books include: Ten Stupid Things Couples Do to Mess Up Their Relationships by Laura C. Schlessinger, Love Bets: 300 Wagers to Spice Up Your Love Life by Sharon Naylor or Fun & Creative Dates for Dating Couples: 52 Ways to Have Fun Together by Howard Books.
Conclusion
Whatever situation you find yourself in, the end of summer blues is never fun. So a solution to this is to do something active to change your unhappiness! These books are just the beginning of rethinking how to approach relationships and tend to issues. It is also useful to keep a journal or write down goals for yourself to work on related to relationships. So there are many ways to beat the end of summer blues! If you have any questions about sex or relationships please email Ali at scott4@uwindsor.ca.
Ali the Sexpert is a researcher and teacher in the field of sexuality. She has an Honours B.A. in Sociology (Windsor); a MA degree in Sociology (Windsor); is currently pursuing a second MA in Social Work. Campus Kiss is currently syndicated at universities across Canada.
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