Summer of Beijing 2008: a survival guide
By Peter Henderson
The Fulcrum (University of Ottawa)
August 6, 2008
 OTTAWA (CUP) – It’s 2008 and the Olympics are upon us once again.
This year’s outing, taking place from Aug. 8–24, is sure to be a spectacle of the highest order. According to former International Olympic Committee President Juan Antonio Samaranch, we are to expect the greatest Games in history. Athletes and heads of state will compete for national glory against the backdrop of China’s first Olympiad.
Human rights concerns and terrorist threats are sure to keep the eyes of the world focused squarely on Beijing, as an expected 4 billion people tune in to the biggest sporting event of the year.
Unlike the Olympics competitors who have dedicated their lives to excelling at sport, we have taken the scenic route.
For all of you couch potatoes out there who have yet to break 12 seconds in the 10-metre fridge dash, here is an essential guide to watching the Olympics without breaking a sweat.
CBC and TSN have complete Olympic coverage this year, with CBC getting the majority of the events but TSN getting full highlight coverage.
Thankfully, calculating the correct time for live events is easy: China is 12 hours ahead. At press time, a full broadcast schedule was unavailable but a preliminary schedule of the events is available on CBC’s website at cbc.ca/Olympics.
Remember that all the events will be summarized on Sports Centre every night, so if you miss the water-polo finals it is not the end of the world. This year the entire Games will be broadcast in glorious High-Definition, so you can see every precise smack of the balls in table tennis.
Unlike shorter sporting events like the World Series or the Super Bowl, the Olympics are a long-haul event.
The snacks and drinks that go down so easily during the fourth quarter or the ninth inning are ill-suited for the long-distance snacking that the Olympics require.
Stay away from high-fat, high-calorie snacks like wings, chips, or soda or you’ll burn out early. Go for healthy alternatives, like vegetables and dip, shrimp rings, and beers with less alcohol percentage. Green tea is a healthy alternative to coffee for those marathon sessions of marathon watching.
If you still have that mouldy old fold-out couch you found on the side of the road in second year, now is the time to upgrade. In a university town, couches and chairs are dime-a-dozen, and an upgrade is only a quick visit away.
Buyer beware, but I can assure that there’s nothing better than settling in for a long night of sports with a beer in one hand and a (slightly stained, slightly smelly, incredibly comfortable) used Barcalounger under your butt.
Bonus points for recliners, as a mid-broadcast nap is always acceptable (as long as you wake up before the finals).
This is the most important part. Don’t like archery? Change the channel, maybe the hilariously odd equestrian (read: horse) events are on. Never watched a game of handball?
Maybe it’ll turn out to be your new favourite sport. Try something new until it fits, because the Olympics offer something for everyone.
Also, at all costs avoid discussing the controversies surrounding the Olympics, and simply forget about other immediate worries.
Nothing sucks the fun out of a room faster than stories about human rights abuse or rising tuition costs.
Although important, these concerns can wait for another time and place -- you’ve got some synchronized swimming to watch.
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