How modern women keep it sexy
By Ali the Sexpert
August 6, 2008
 Being a modern woman is not as easy as it sounds. She needs to learn how to balance her career and personal life carefully. Today women have high demands in their life as well as a reputation to keep because it is still what you look like more than what you do - unfortunately. But this is slowly changing in some ways. Women today should value their minds and bodies, but discrepancies in society still influence expectations for who women are. This article is dedicated to all the women who want to ‘keep it sexy.’
Historical view of women and social expectations
Throughout history women have been seen through a dichotomous lens. This is the gender binary – women are supposed to be ‘feminine’ whereas men are supposed to be ‘masculine.’ What our society considers to be masculine or feminine changes over time, so this can be a confusing concept to follow when you really think about it. Throughout time, women’s gender roles have been categorized, labeled and made out to be a certain way. Women are still defined by their biology and reproductive parts, however, there are other social attributes that have been attached to women’s gender roles in modern society.
Women are considered to be either dark (lusty) or light (virginal) – a ‘saint’ (innocent and good) or ‘sinner’ (corrupt and a temptress). Women who are more stereotypical in gender are seen to be more innocent or ‘pure’ which makes them more socially respected, valued and appreciated. However, what is projected the most about women in the western society is their body, so how are modern women supposed to know how to find the right balance in their life? Women who have the ‘bad girl image’ such as Angelina Jolie in the movie Wanted (2008), are considered to be strong and sexy, and valued more for their sex appeal. This is the ageless ‘gender conundrum’ that modern women face. If they are sexy, they are valued for their body. If they are smart, then they are considered to be less attractive or even asexual. These are confusing times we live in!
When you start thinking about this concept, you realize that there are other questions to ask as well: should women be valued for their biology? If not, then what should they be valued for? Does valuing a woman more for her mind or talents make her more ‘masculine’ or less ‘feminine’? This is an age-old debate. Each woman feels differently about this and needs to decide what she values more. So how does a modern woman accomplish feeling valued for more than her body, but not just for her mind? This is a delicate and difficult task, but it can be accomplished.
The compromise of the modern woman
Modern women need to have it all: the looks, the brains, the career and sometimes the family. New television programs such as Lipstick Jungle (by Oliver Goldstick from Ugly Betty, Timothy Busfield from ‘The West Wing’ and Candace Bushnell from ‘Sex in the City’ are executive producers of this show) portrays women who ‘have it all.’ This television show captures modern women in all of its glorious complexity. There have been positive reviews of this show from women who have made comments such as “This show is so good. You can actually tell the characters apart. They have relationships and problems you care about. You can even identify with them … finally, a show that doesn’t feature sex crazed neurotic morons” (comment on www.imdb.com). What is also revolutionary about this show is that it portrays older women who ‘have it all.’ Instead of a television show that portrays women in their 20’s who are trying to ‘get a man and figure it all out.’ That is not how all women define happiness or success. Even though these are heterosexual women, love and their careers are important to them but so is their success, relationships with each other and themselves.
So why are these media portrayals so important? These images are important because TV shows like Lipstick Jungle are paving the way for modern women to have real role models instead of unrealistic portrayals of women that are in television shows like Desperate Housewives, or One Tree Hill. Even though these are modern ‘Soap Operas’ they do not give any indication about how modern women find a balance between beauty, success or sometimes even fame. So it is important to take notes from more positive and realistic portrayals of women in our culture.
Tips for the modern woman
Here are some tips that will help any modern women be the best that she can be.
1) It is helpful to have a vision, some goals and to follow your dreams. Do what you feel is right for you: use your body and/or your brains to achieve your goals when necessary and don’t apologize for doing this. It is your right as a modern woman to value all aspects of yourself.
2) Have the right attitude! Your perception and outlook on life is very important. If you only value yourself for your body or just for looks, then you will be unbalanced. Just like in America’s Next Top Model, it is more than just the looks – there is some substance to it as well!
3) Embrace Androgyny. Having a more androgynous blend of masculine and feminine traits is much sexier than taking on too much of either. A woman who is sometimes assertive or who chooses to sometimes be passive can also be sexy. However, women do not have to be passive because of their biology. A woman who knows how to mix the right amount of androgyny in her personality and social life is often very appealing and many people find this sexy. And if you also have an androgynous appearance this can be very sexy (think Shane from The L Word).
4) Believe in Yourself! Find a way to appreciate all your assets and be confident in yourself. Having low self esteem or not valuing who you are is very poisonous. Being confident and positive is what makes a woman sexy more than any other trait.
5) Take Care of Yourself. Self-care and ‘me time’ is not selfish time. If a person is too overwhelmed with responsibilities in her life than she may forget about herself and if she becomes neglected, then things may start to fall apart in her life. Never forget to take care of number one who is always you! Always make time for yourself – scheduele this time every week whether it is to read a book, take a bath, exercise or go out with friends. Also make sure this includes eating well and exercising – maintaining a healthy lifestyle will help you feel and look better. Self-care will also help you feel refreshed and ready to take on the world as a modern woman.
Conclusion
Despite how complicated it may be it is possible to be a sexy modern woman, but it does not happen by accident. I hope you have enjoyed this edition of campus kiss. And if you have anything to add to this list about what you think is sexy, or if you have a column idea then please write me at the email above!
Ali the Sexpert is a researcher and teacher in the field of sexuality. She has an Honours B.A. in Sociology (Windsor); a MA degree in Sociology (Windsor); is currently pursuing a second MA in Social Work. Campus Kiss is currently syndicated at universities across Canada.
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