Sexy or slutty: the debate
By Ali the Sexpert
May 14, 2008
 This age old debate is never a tired one – what is the difference between sexy and slutty? It is in the media all over – snapshots of celebrities in their sexy or slutty outfits who are strutting their stuff down the red carpet. Since celebrities do it, women in everyday life follow their lead and may come across to others as sexy or slutty.
History of language – slutty and sexy
According to merriam-webster.com, a “slut” is defined as a “promiscuous” or “saucy” woman, or a prostitute. The word sexy on the other hand is defined as sexually “suggestive, stimulating, erotic, attractive, interesting or appealing.” The word slut has a negative connotation, and sexy has a positive connotation. The way these two words are described sets up a binary in our language and in the way we use these words when talking about other people.
The word slutty has many different interpretations as you can see from the definition above; however, one thing to notice is the inherent gender stereotype in the word.
The word slutty always refers to a woman, but never a man. The equivalent word used towards men is often “playa” or “da man.” In other words, men are praised and looked up to for being “sluts,” whereas women are not. When men are accused of being a “playa,” they often refute this label by saying “don’t hate the player, hate the game.” Even the term “womanizer” is not used equivalently.
 In western culture, men are assumed to always be ready for sex at all times, so the way men are socialized does not allow them to call other men sluts. Based on this understanding, having a high sexual frequency (real or perceived) is considered to be negative.
The only way the word slut can have a positive connotation is when it is used in a humorous way. Friends sometimes call their friend a slut in a joking manner, and this is not intended to be an insult. The other time the word is as a term of endearment is when, in the heat of passion, the word “slut” is used to refer to a woman in a “sexy” way.
The term still means “sexually loose,” but when referred to in this context; it is intended to refer to how sexual or even submissive a woman is, therefore, it is not used as a negative label. There are still many people who find this term problematic because of the negative connotation and history attached to it, however, the word “slut” has been reclaimed by some people who are sex positive in a similar way that “whore” has been reclaimed.
The word sexy has much less social history and appeal, and when you try to get more information on its use in history and culture there is almost no information about it. This goes to show which words are preferred in our culture and why. The gender stereotypes in the language we use is deeply embedded in assumptions that are made about men and women, and it impacts the way we interact and define men and women in our culture today.
Media and Cultural Influences of Sexy or Slutty
 The gender stereotypes mentioned above are also carried over into our daily lives in the media and in our culture. Besides using words such as “slut” or “sexy” to define women’s sexual frequency, it also defines a woman’s sexual image.
Everywhere in newspapers, magazines television and movies, women are being judged for what they decide to wear. Celebrities have a lot of pressure to look perfect any time they walk outside of their home, because the paparazzi are always there waiting to find women who are not done up so they can sell photos to the media who can then claim that one day of going without makeup or wearing sweat pants means they are “falling apart” and less appealing than in the past.
Several magazines are devoted to looking at who looks better or who looks “slutty” in certain clothes when compared to other clothes. These same labels are also applied to women who are not celebrities. Unfortunately, these judgments always refer to the woman’s sexuality even though they are talking about their clothing.
Sometimes a woman’s sexual orientation is based on her social label of “sexy” or “slutty.” For example, it is now socially acceptable for two feminine and attractive looking women to be kissing and this is called “sexy,” but if a butch-looking woman or a woman who does not fit the stereotype of beautiful is showing public affection with another woman, then this is considered to be offensive, unattractive, promiscuous or “slutty.”
This same reasoning is used towards women who are bisexual. It is considered to be sexy if she wants to have a threesome with a male partner and a woman, but if she chooses not to be with a man, then she is considered to be a “lesbian,” or “confused” or she just “needs the right man to make her straight.”
Therefore, a woman’s sexuality cannot include men’s sexuality because she is often defined by her relationship to a man. When her sexuality is based on her own preferences and it is not related to men somehow, then it is often seen as negative. These are some of the more common ways that the words sexy and slutty are used in our culture and influenced by the media.
Conclusion
 Our current notions of sexy and slutty are still driven by historical, cultural and gendered notions today. But there is never a better time than the present to reconsider the language we use and how we relate this to other people. Now is the time to redefine sexy and slutty. Why should we continue to use these words at all?
And why should slutty and sexy continue to be used in such a binary manner? Does there really need to be such extreme language and notions in our society? In an ideal world, it would be better to just refer to people as “sexually fluid” where there are more and less sexual people, and it does not have to be deemed positive or negative, but just “sexual.”
This is very unlikely to happen given the current state of sexual politics in the world, but the next time you use the word slut in a negative way, remember that it is only referring to someone who is having more sex than you are. If you desire more sex, then seek out more consensual sex and keep the labels where they belong - in the past.
Ali the Sexpert is a researcher and teacher in the field of sexuality. She has an Honours B.A. in Sociology (Windsor); a MA degree in Sociology (Windsor); is currently pursuing a second MA in Social Work. Campus Kiss is currently syndicated at universities across Canada.
|
