Understanding the triggers of abuse
By Ali the Sexpert
March 26, 2008
 Dear Ali,
I have noticed that sometimes I feel triggered by certain things but I do not know what to do about this. I was sexually abused as a child and I have not gone to therapy for help. It seems that I am triggered any time I try to start new relationship. If someone admits they have feelings for me I always react negatively and feel upset but I do not know what to do to change this. How can I learn more about triggers and get over this problem?
Sincerely,
Triggered
Dear Triggered,
It is important to understand what your triggers are and how this is related to your previous experiences of being abused because I am sure this is linked. But before I talk more about triggers, I should explain the impact of abuse and give a definition of triggers and how they are related so everyone understands what it means.
The Impact of Childhood Sexual Abuse
According to Kali Munroe a psychotherapist who works with sexual abuse survivors, there are a number of ways a person is impacted by childhood sexual abuse. Feelings of shame often make a person feel like they are bad or dirty and unlovable. Sexual abuse survivors often experience feelings of regret for not doing anything to change the situation. They often try to minimize the experience of what happened with them, deny it happened or rationalize what happen in order to make an explanation for the sexual abuse so it relieves the pain the person is experiencing. But these tactics do not help a person heal, it only makes it worse because it represses or temporarily covers the pain until the person feels it again and goes through the same process of covering it up again.
Another reaction to abuse is disassociation – which occurs when a person is overwhelmed and they need to take a break from the abusive situation or emotions tied to it so they distance themselves from it. Others experience having multiple personalities, which are created to cope with the abuse, which the person cannot handle on their own. There are also levels of awareness about these multiple personalities – and joining them through therapy is one way to heal through the abuse.
About Triggers and its Causes
 After a person is sexually abused, they lose their sense of safety, control and personal autonomy. They often have certain and specific memories of the sexual abuse that are often re-traumatizing and intrusive for them. These memories or thoughts become automatic and are reactivated by something in everyday life that reminds them of the abusive memory. This can happen consciously or unconsciously, and the trigger can occur from a number of sources including: a touch, smell, location or physical sensation. When a person is triggered, the current situation is associated with that past memory of abuse, and triggering becomes a learned coping mechanism. Sometimes they may have a panic attack, feel out of control or emotional for no reason they can explain at the time. A person might also experience triggers in the form of flashbacks (specific memories), or nightmares.
Triggers and Sexuality
Triggers are highly linked to a person’s sexuality when they are sexually abused and sometimes a person’s response might be fear, sadness or another emotion, but they take it and re-experience in the moment when they are being intimate with another person because they do not know what to do about it. They may also have learned to accept sex and the trauma as coexisting together and they do not know how to separate the two, so sex can be re-traumatizing for a person every time they engage in it, but they may not have the words to vocalize it to their partner. Sometimes a person feels overwhelmingly sad, guilty or dirty after sex and this is often associated with previous sexual abuse but they may not know it.
What to Do about Triggers
 It is hard to recognize that you are having triggers in the first place so it can be tricky to do anything about it. But if you find yourself thinking about memories of abuse there are some things you can do.
First, it might be helpful to tell your partner and closest friends so they can support you thought these difficult times. It is also very important to recognize what your triggers are because they often occur at the worst times and sometimes it can be embarrassing to experience triggers while in public places or while being intimate with a partner. It is also very important to come up with a specific plan of what to do the next time it happens.
According to the Childhood Sexual Abuse Survivor Network, the following guidelines can help a person stop having triggers:
1. STOP and become aware, 2. CALM yourself, 3. AFFIRM your present reality, then 4. CHOOSE a new response.
As soon as you find yourself reacting in a sudden, upsetting irrational way that feels out of control, stop.
Calm your body. Tell yourself something reassuring, such as “I’m safe, no one can hurt me now.”
Affirm your present reality, remind yourself that what you are doing and experiencing now is different from what happened during the abuse.
Choose a new response. Stop and realize what’s happening, calm yourself and affirm your present reality. And remember, practice makes perfect!
Once you understand how triggers may be impacting your life and you start to get a better grasp of how to control it you may have less problems with relationships and feeling upset when people disclose their feelings to you. However, if you are unable to hear another person’s feelings about you then you may have some self esteem or other issues and I highly recommend that you seek therapy to resolve these issues. I hope this response is helpful to you.
Ali the Sexpert is a researcher and teacher in the field of sexuality. She has an Honours B.A. in Sociology (Windsor); a MA degree in Sociology (Windsor); is currently pursuing a second MA in Social Work. Campus Kiss is currently syndicated at universities across Canada.
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