Bondage for beginners: for those who like to be tied down?
By Ali the Sexpert
February 6, 2008
 I am not referring to commitment issues. I am referring to bondage. Bondage refers to tying someone up. And this is also referring to consensual tying up or being restrained for pleasure. This is not to be confused with being tied up by force. It can be a type of sexual activity but sometimes it is not sexual at all. It depends on who is engaging in it and for what purpose. Bondage is one aspect of BDSM (Bondage, dominance, sadism and masochism), but it does not have to be practiced in a role-play or be related to power. It can be purely sexual and fun. For many people it is fun. If you are interested in learning more about bondage then read on for much more information.
About Bondage
If a person is sexually aroused by bondage, this is called “vincilagnia”. There is evidence that bondage has been around for quite a while. It has been depicted in literature as erotica in some well known author’s writings including: Anne Rice’s “Sleeping Beauty” novels (where she uses the pen name A.N. Roquelaure), F.E. Campbell, the Story of O by Pauline Reage as well as magazines in the 1970s and artwork which continue to be produced today.
Bondage also became popular in the late 1960s when heterosexual groups started associating bondage with power. These somewhat public SM groups are in most major cities, and if there is no organized meeting place SM is being practiced by groups of people – even in Windsor. These groups intend to provide a safe space for SM activities and they provide safety information, rules and requirements such as safe words to be used while engaging in SM or bondage play. Sex is often not allowed in these group settings since it is purely about role-playing, but some private clubs and groups do allow sex on the premises.
According to www.answers.com, there have been significant social changes regarding bondage in the Western culture. There has been “a steady growth in quantity and production values of niche producers, an increasing prevalence and acceptance of bondage in more mainstream publications (e.g. Penthouse) and the rise of the Internet as a distribution medium.” In the early 1990s when the Internet was just starting to exist, one of the main web site genres was pornography. Bondage often gets associated with pornography because it can be a sexual activity and research has found that many people find bondage erotic and sexually pleasurable.
So why do people engage in bondage play? People often talk about the enjoyment they receive from giving up power or control to their partner. Some people like the feeling of being restrained or having pressure put on them. Others like feeling helpless or physically “controlled.” Some people find the restraints fascinating or sexually exciting. Others associate it with taboo or deviant behaviour, which makes them feel “naughty” and “aroused”. For some people, bondage intensifies or heightens orgasms. This not an exhaustive list because there are many reasons why people engage in bondage play. Some people do not know what their reason is until they try it out.
Equipment for Bondage Play
 So you are curious about bondage and want to give it a try? It might seem easy but there are things you should know. When deciding to engage in bondage play, you should first talk about it with your partner and be clear about what interests both of you. Communication is the key, and most experts say that bondage play should only be engaged in when there is a trusting and open, communicative relationship with your partner. Otherwise someone could get hurt.
Safety is extremely important and you should never use any kind of restraint that is unclean or unfamiliar in case of an emergency or in case the restrained person being wants to call the safe word. Some people think they need to go to heavy restraints, but it is best to start off using simple restraints. Common restraints include rope (especially waxed rope that can be untied easily or you can use special ties to undo knots quickly – and you can learn about this online). Bondage tape can be purchased at your local sex store. Chains such as handcuffs, or thumbcuffs, can be used or regular chains to tie around the person, or to a device that helps hold the restraint. More advanced bondage gear includes: institutional restraints, bondage hooks, monogloves, sleepsacks and bondage tables can also be used. Many of these items can be purchased online. All bondage activates should only be done by someone who knows what they are doing, and if you are new to bondage, there are things you can learn online and from experienced people. Never use any advanced bondage gear without this knowledge or it could be very dangerous.
It is also important to be prepared for bondage play. Making sure you eat properly beforehand is essential so you have enough energy to engage in this kind of activity. You can exert a lot of energy engaging in bondage play, so make sure you and your partner are well fed and keep snacks readily available throughout the play session to re-energize. It is also important to have cutting tools handy in case the bondage gear freezes or locks up and you cannot get you or your partner out of it.
Tips for Bondage Play
 These few tips are also important to consider when you decide to engage in bondage play. These tips will help to establish rules during play:
Always be safe, sane and sober – always be aware of what you are doing and make sure you are sober. So do not engage in bondage play when intoxicated to make sure safety is an ultimate priority. Safe words are a must – make sure to use “red” to mean stop and be clear about your safe word so the bondage play can be as safe and fun as possible.
Discuss the scenario ahead of time and be clear about what will happen. No surprises should happen during bondage play whether it is sexual or not.
Make sure the equipment you have for play is safe, clean and comfortable. Enjoy, play safe and have fun.
Ali the Sexpert is a researcher and teacher in the field of sexuality. She has an Honours B.A. in Sociology (Windsor); a MA degree in Sociology (Windsor); is currently pursuing a second MA in Social Work. Campus Kiss is currently syndicated at universities across Canada.
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