By Ryan Rogers

Sports Editor

January 23, 2008

The hardest working man on campus has been checked into the Betty Ford Clinic in Rancho Mirage, California, after being arrested for public indecency.

The hardest job on campus is not facing up to the whole city in defense of the location of the upcoming Engineering Facilities; it’s not continuously being reminded that there’s no name for a Stadium that was rushed in for the Pan Am Games; nor having to work for an outspoken manager who doesn’t know how to hang up a telephone before berating you in front of all your colleagues. >>

By Ryan Rogers

Sports Editor

January 23, 2008

In a gross example of sporadic mismanagement, the St. Denis Centre has accidentally installed shag carpeting onto the turf of the Still-to-be-Titled Stadium where varsity athletes and members of the Windsor Lancers compete.
Director of Athletics Gord Grace was visibly unimpressed when he showed up on Monday and discovered the entire stadium has been retrofitted to resemble his old basement back at Mount Allison.
"I couldn’t believe it," said a near-speechless Grace. "I mean, goodness gracious, how does something like this happen? We had the purchase order for this excellent turf ready to go, and it was going to be gorgeous. The football and soccer teams were going to be playing on a goddamned carpet, it was going to be so smooth." >>

Campus Kiss Hard-up, can't get it up, can't get any and can't get the right kind

By Ryan Rogers

Sports Editor

January 23, 2008

The Athletics Department has found great success with the advertising wrap that they've spun around their Badder Bus partners in business, and have seized the opportunity to upgrade even further to advertise their athletes and the department, while educating their varsity players. The Lancers are now working Ms. Valerie Frizzle as they ride the Magic School Bus (TM) into new and wonderful adventures.