Basement staff complaining about canines
By Natasha Marar
News Editor
January 23, 2008
 Business is booming at The Basement after anti-discriminatory policy was revoked and pups of all breeds were given a treat.
Several University students (well…one student) cried discrimination last semester when The Basement manager, Jay Codling, posted the controversial “No dogs allowed” street sign on the wall of the student pub.
Business has boomed for The Basement since the sign has been removed and the pub now follows University protocol of being more inclusive to marginalized groups. “I wasn’t being racist. It’s just I knew what would happen if we let in that type of crowd.”
Despite the financial windfall, Codling is upset at the problems created by these four-legged frequenters. “I know there isn’t a dress code anymore but this is ridiculous. They’re not even wearing pants!” shouted Codling. “Bitch came in here with six tits hanging out and dropped a litter last week.”
Sign removal advocate, law representative Ken Birchall, who picked up a hairy little canine last night, is happy with the new changes. “It’s about time we got some dogs in here. Now I can enjoy a little tail with my meal instead of always resorting to the pound.”
Max, a terrier patron at The Basement, is infuriated by the lack of respect. “Growl...ruff...bow wow...ruff...grunt.”
Codling does not believe the dogs deserve much respect since a great deal of questionable items have been confiscated by The Basement door staff, including spiked collars, filed down bones, doggy treats, and doo rags.
“If the dogs get too hammered they will start sniffing up the asses of the female students,” said service manager Steve Bull. “While I sympathise with the dogs, some of the chicks don’t. So we can’t allow it...I guess.”
Student Life Director Meghan Carbone welcomes the attention. “The dance floor is one giant petting zoo...I don’t mind giving a dog a bone.”
One issue in particular has posed a safety concern for other customers. “There’s shit piles all over the place, and Steve [Bull] is sick of using the little scooper. The girls wearing flip flops are getting the shit stuck between their toes, and it’s fucking up their pedicures,” said an angered Codling.
Other health hazards stem from the infestation of fleas in The Basement. Codling, one of the unfortunate victims, expressed, “The crabs I could handle, but fleas are just filthy.”
Although the dog patrons pose some challenges for The Basement staff, Codling knows that accepting their business is necessary for helping the student pub out of its financial abyss. He says they enjoy the food and indicated that no menu revisions were needed to accommodate the dogs’ tastes.
“The worst part is—they’re better tippers than the students. At least they come with more than $2 in their pockets.”
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