Basement staff complaining about canines
By Natasha Marar
News Editor
January 23, 2008
Business is booming at The Basement after anti-discriminatory policy was revoked and pups of all breeds were given a treat.
Several University students (well…one student) cried discrimination last semester when The Basement manager, Jay Codling, posted the controversial “No dogs allowed” street sign on the wall of the student pub.
Business has boomed for The Basement since the sign has been removed and the pub now follows University protocol of being more inclusive to marginalized groups. “I wasn’t being racist. It’s just I knew what would happen if we let in that type of crowd.” >>
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Collucci shoots Ma
By Ryan Rogers
Sports Editor
January 23, 2008
The president of the UWSA is in critical condition at the Windsor Regional Hospital after being shot in the face and upper-torso from close range sometime last weekend by his Vice President of Finance and Operations Jennifer Collucci.
 UWSA General Manager Dale Coffin read from a prepared speech, “Accidents will and do happen, and this is no exception. Ms. Collucci has apologized for her actions, and is deeply concerned for the health and well being of our president.” >>
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UWSA hires assistant to help Cranny
By Natasha Marar
News Editor
January 23, 2008
Brazilian waxes have been attributed to the happy grunts of satisfied expulsions that are currently filling the UWSA office air.
UWSA VPUA Zach Cranny’s longstanding obsession with himself has lead to body waxing during work hours and has become the ire of UWSA administration all year.
“It’s not waxing. It’s sugaring. I only use natural shit on my body,” said Cranny.
The increased presence of used waxing applicators and short and curlies found around the office indicates that Cranny has moved beyond simple chest hair removal. >>
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